Journal prompts
20 journal prompts for relationships
Twenty questions about one relationship. Answer them on your own, or answer them separately and read each other’s.
These work two ways. Read them alone and you get a clearer view of what you want and what you have been avoiding saying. Answer them separately, then read each other's, and you get something harder and more useful: the places where two people living the same life describe it differently.
The list moves from what drew you together, through how you communicate and handle conflict, to what you both want next. Questions seven and eight ask about unresolved issues and unmet expectations. If you are doing this together, agree beforehand that those two can be answered honestly, or skip them. Half-honest answers to those questions are worse than none. This is not couples counselling and it does not stand in for it. It is twenty questions that make it easier to say the thing you have been circling for a while.
How long this takes depends entirely on which way you use it. Twenty minutes alone is enough to get through the list. Doing it properly with another person takes an evening and is a different exercise altogether. If you are going to do the second version, do the first one first.
The prompts
What initially attracted you to your partner?
Think from the heart and try to provide a thoughtful and genuine response. For example, focus on specific qualities or characteristics that caught your attention or made you want to pursue further contact.
How do you express and receive love in your relationship?
These could be very obvious, like bringing flowers, preparing a bath, or arranging a romantic date. But small gestures also go a long way. Try to find the things you may be doing unconsciously to express your love towards your partner.
In what ways do you and your partner communicate effectively?
Communication is both sending (encoding) and receiving (decoding) a message. Sometimes the message can get lost in this process, especially if we don't know the subject well enough or the receiver of the message. Consider answering the question by providing a few examples.
How open are you in expressing your emotions and needs towards your partner?
Ask yourself how often you are open about your emotions and how your partner usually responds. Is it usually a positive or negative experience?
What could you do to clearly state your needs within the relationship?
What are your needs, and do you think your partner knows about them? And if so, are they doing enough to make sure your needs are met?
How do you handle disagreements or conflicts in your relationship?
Disagreements and conflicts are natural in any relationship and often signify an equal balance where both you and your partner are able to express true feelings and beliefs. Try to think of recent examples and how the disagreements were handled. Do you see the handling of conflicts as a positive or negative aspect of your relationship?
Are there any unresolved issues or recurring patterns that need attention?
Think of events such as having the same arguments twice or being preoccupied often by work or chores. Think of the most important events first before judging them straight away.
Are there any unmet needs or expectations that should be addressed?
Answer these from your own perspective first, but feel free to also mention needs your partner has expressed that you have not fulfilled. What could you do differently?
What role does trust play in your relationship?
Try to express the importance of trust and how it helps sustain a healthy and fulfilling connection. Even if you or your partner do not find it very important, it is still worth mentioning and especially why it is or is not important to you.
What are the shared values and goals that strengthen your connection?
Values are things we believe in and think highly of. Often it's an outlook on the world and our behavior. Goals are things we pursue. What goals and values do you both have in common? If you know a few, try to name the ones you both share the most, in your opinion.
How do you navigate and balance individual space and time together?
We all need some alone time every now and then. Perhaps you have a specific hobby or community that you bring to this relationship, but you both don't share it. How do you manage doing your own thing while still being present and together in your relationship?
How do you maintain a sense of individual identity while being part of a couple?
Individual identity refers to distinct characteristics, qualities, beliefs, values, and personal attributes that define you as a person. We all adapt in relationships. Do you still feel connected to the person you were before the relationship?
How do you support each other's personal growth and aspirations?
Try to name aspirations you know your partner has. Do you support them, and if so, how? Should or could you do more? Do you think the level of support is reciprocated?
In what ways do you show appreciation and gratitude to each other?
Focus on a few and how do these make you feel? Do you feel your current efforts are enough and show your partner how you truly feel?
What role do laughter and playfulness play in your relationship?
Does your partner make you laugh? Make you feel both safe, comfortable but also uneasy at times? A good way to see this question is to compare the playfulness side to the more serious and forward-thinking side. Are they well balanced?
Can you think of ways to spend more quality time together amid the daily chores?
Perhaps you can arrange your time more efficiently or share some activities to make them more enjoyable, such as sharing kitchen duties or bringing the kids to school together.
How do you handle stress and challenges together?
This could be both stress that impacts only you, your partner, or both of you equally. Can you name examples from the past and how it has impacted your relationship?
What red flags could there be in your relationship that you have ignored in the past?
Red flags are signs of behavior that make you dislike the prospect of a relationship with your partner. What red flags have you ignored in the past, and why?
How have your individual goals and priorities evolved since the beginning of the relationship?
Think back to the beginning and now. How have you changed in your aspirations? Even if they have not changed, that is a genuine answer too.
What are your mutual dreams and aspirations for the future?
You can 'dream big' or make a small change. Even being a little bit kinder to others could be a nice aspiration. Do you both have a clear singular focus you are trying to achieve?
Prompts that keep your answers
These lists are yours to use anywhere, and a notebook works perfectly well. If you would rather the questions came to you, and kept every answer in one place so you can read them back later, that is what Luci does. Over 600 prompts across twenty topics, and when a question comes round again it shows you what you said last time.
All journal prompt topicsSee how guided prompts work in Luci
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